Have you made the mistake of letting your ex girlfriend know you want her back too soon?

Lots of guys make this error and they do it because they don't realize that being too obvious with a woman is not always a good thing.  I know that you might have been told that you should always be open and totally honest with a woman,  but that is not always the best thing to do.

Why would it be a bad thing to be open and honest about the way that you feel about your ex girlfriend?

Because you need to let out things like that at the RIGHT time.

You have to let her know that you want her back in your life when she is feeling the same way about you.

You have to wait until she is hoping and dreaming that you are going to tell her that you want her back.

Do it before that moment... and you are going to end up regretting it.

 
The idea that you can still be friends with a woman you used to date might sound really practical in theory,  but I have to say that in practice,  most guys seem to find that it is not very practical at all.  Trying to remain friends with an ex girlfriend is not an easy thing to do.  You have to try and navigate from being her boyfriend to being just a guy that she happens to be friendly with.  There might be a lot of "advice" out there that says it is good to try and remain friends with an ex girlfriend,  but that doesn't mean that it is true.

Here are some reasons why you shouldn't try to remain friends with an ex girlfriend:

1.  Friends talk about their love life,  can you do that with your ex girlfriend?


The fact is,  you probably cannot talk about dating and romance with your ex girlfriend if the conversation happens to be about another guy.  Think about how weird it would be to hear your ex girlfriend tell you that she thinks a certain guy is cute and that she is hoping that she ends up dating him.  Do you really think that this is going to be something that you can deal with?  I doubt it.

2.  You are going to be intentionally placing yourself in the friend zone with her.

Most of the time,  getting stuck in the friend zone is the LAST thing that you want to do.  Well,  guess what?  If you try to remain friends with your ex girlfriend -  you are going to be the one that puts yourself in the friend zone.  That's not an easy thing to get out of.  Well,  why do that to yourself?  Why be the guy who naively outs himself in the friend zone if you don't have to?

3.  Being friends is NOT the way to win her back.

The real reason why most guys try to remain friends with an ex girlfriend is because they want her back.  You can tell yourself that this is not really true,  but you know that it is.  While you might think that this is a good way to make your ex girlfriend want you back,  it's really NOT.  There are much better and much more effective ways to get back with your ex girlfriend that don't require you to try to be something that you don't want to be.  Don't lie to yourself and say that you just want to be her friend when you know that you really want to be her boyfriend again.
 
Admit it.  Sometimes you pick up your cell phone and the first thing that you think about is how bad you want to send your ex girlfriend a text message.  Probably every guy who has gone through a break up in recent years has done this.  The question is,  is it a good idea to text your ex girlfriend or is it just asking for trouble?

It all depends.

It depends on what you are going to text your ex girlfriend.  It depends on how often you send her text messages.  It depends on how she feels about hearing from you.

Most of the time,  it's better to NOT send her a text message.

Why?

Think about the things that you want to text her.  You probably want to tell her that you miss her.  You probably want to tell her that she is beautiful.  You might even want to ask what she is up to,  so that you can get a sense of whether or not she has move on or if she might still be interested in you.

Here is the problem with that:

It's not the right time and using text messages as a way to keep tabs on her is not going to come across well at all.  It might even come across as being kind of "stalkerish."

There is a time and a place for texting your ex girlfriend.

After you have already gone through a period of no contact and you are working on winning her back,  it can be a good idea to send her the occasional text.  Maybe you want to just say hello or you might want to make plans to spend some time with her.

What you want to keep in mind is... most of the time,  it's better to hold off on texting your ex girlfriend.  You can't take back a message that you send to her and there is a good chance that you probably will end up sending her a text that you wish you could take back.
 
Like a lot of guys,  Tim found himself feeling really comfortable in his relationship.  Too comfortable,  even.  He took his girlfriend for granted.  He would make plans with her,  then see one of his friends and totally blow off the date that he had made with the woman he was dating.  Of course,  he always seemed to find a way to make it up to her.  That is,  until he did it one time too many and his girlfriend finally had enough and she ended the relationship.

Tim was a little bit cocky,  still.  He figured all he had to do was to buy her a few gifts,  say a few sappy words and she'd take him back.  He had gone through this a few times before and he figured that he'd be able to do it again.  Nope,  he was wrong.  No gift,  no sappy speech about how sorry he was would do the trick.  Things got worse.  Tim took the rejection to heart and it totally ruined his confidence.

He spent the next 6 months alone,  wishing that he could turn back the hands of time and find a way to win back his ex girlfriend.  Even though it may not have seemed like it,  Tim was learning a powerful lesson,  one that you might want to pay attention to.

That lesson is:  You can't always undo what has already been done.  Even when you have the best intentions,  you can't always convince your ex girlfriend to come back to you.  That might not be the most pleasant thing to think about,  but it is a reality that you have to deal with.

You don't have to go through what Tim did to learn the lesson that he had to learn.  If you sense that your girlfriend isn't happy,  you might want to take the time to make her feel happy.  No matter what,  it is much easier to keep a girlfriend that you already have as opposed to trying to win back one that dumped you.

Not that it can't be done.  You can win back an ex girlfriend if you know exactly what it is that you need to do.  However,  why put yourself in that position if you don't have to?

Don't wait until it is too late and you are left with a broken heart and shattered confidence.  Keep your girlfriend happy while you can.
 
Mark and Ellen had been a couple since they were juniors in college.  They met at a campus bar one night and from that point on,  they seemed to be inseparable.  Everyone would have said that they were the kind of couple that would have no problems at all and they probably would have agreed.  That is, until they left college and moved to Louisville where they both landed jobs and things started to change.

Mark worked 6 days a week,  often reaching 60 hours.  Ellen was working,  too,  5 days a week and 40 plus hours.  There were days where they didn't really see one another.  There were days when they were both so tired,  all they wanted to do was squat on the couch and not say a word to each other.  It didn't take too much time before they realized the relationship was growing stale.  Still,  they just kept going through the motions,  not really working on making the relationship any better.

Then it happened.

Ellen met a guy at work who excited her.  He was fun.  He got her.  While Mark didn't seem to want to pay much attention to her at all,  this guy wanted to know all about her.  It made her feel good,  it made her feel special.  Ellen wasn't the cheating type,  so she felt the conflict of feeling attracted to this new guy,  while at the same time still being in a relationship with Mark.

It couldn't last like that and it didn't.

She broke up with Mark and he was devastated.  He didn't realize that his relationship had been in jeopardy.  He knew that it had grown stale and was kind of boring,  but he didn't think Ellen would end up falling for another guy.  He wanted to hate her,  but he couldn't.  She had done the right thing,  breaking up with him instead of cheating.  Still,  he was heartbroken.

All he could think about from that moment on was how bad he wanted her back in his life.  All of a sudden the job didn't seem so important.  He realized that what was really important was getting Ellen back.  Problem was,  he knew that she was now kind of seeing this new guy and that made it seem like he probably didn't stand a chance.

Luckily,  Mark didn't just wave his arms in the air and give up.

He went and got advice on what to do.  Good advice.  He followed it to the letter and you know what happened?

He got Ellen back.

Turns out,  the excitement of the new guy wasn't enough to sustain her,  she wanted more.  What she had wanted the whole time was for her and Mark to have that excitement and passion again.  That's all she really needed and once Mark was able to give that to her,  she could tell that he really was the right guy for her.

    Author

    Keeping your girlfriend happy while she is still with you is much easier than trying to win her back after she has already dumped you.  Read through this site and this blog to get advice on how to make your girlfriend and if the day comes when she does break up with you,  how to get your ex girlfriend back.

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